A Dispensing Optician`s life of crime…

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By Diarmid MacArthur FBDO

 “If we were absolutely certain of what lay ahead of us, what would we do? Would we stay at home, barricade the door and hide under the covers? But then, if we really did know, how could we possibly change it? Can we hope to change or to conquer fate…?”

So begins my first published crime novel, “Drown for your Sins”, a tale of murder, mystery and mayhem, overseen by the redoubtable West of Scotland detective DCI Grant McVicar and his assistant, DS Briony Quinn.

Fiction, yes; but, if you think about it, those words ring just as true as we set off for the practice, each and every day; do we ever really know what`s in store for us? Way back in 1992 I certainly didn`t realise that Joan, the tall, attractive red-headed locum who walked into Look Opticians that morning would later become my wife and the mother of our two wonderful teenage daughters! I didn`t know, a few years ago, that what started out as a normal morning would end up with a smashed front door, half a dozen stolen frames and with my jiu-jitsu-black-belted courier (Lawrence, you`re a star) on the pavement, with his arm around the neck of the thief (the Ezekiel choke, apparently) as we waited for the police to arrive!

Yes, everyday is a new day, a new challenge, a new opportunity. And, sometimes, such as the day of the shoplifter, it might have been better to stay at home, under the covers…the sad part is that once the excess on our glass insurance was applied and once I had replaced the courier`s ripped jacket and rewarded him for his actions, it would have been cheaper letting the thief walk away with the stolen frames.

But, just as in “Drown for your Sins”, justice was done!

In Practice, of course, we face fresh challenges every day, especially in Scotland. We now must triage patients presenting with eye complaints (usually referred from the GP or the pharmacist). We are expected to fit them in, often “there and then” (Well, if I go blind, it`ll be your fault…). It is our job to rise to these challenges, to help where we can; to take pride in what we do and to do it to the best of our ability. The reward is to go home at night with the feeling that it was a job well done.

In the old days (showing my age now) when Optometrists were “Ophthalmic Opticians”, eyecare professionals were mostly referred to simply as “the optician”. The public weren`t generally aware of the difference between “Ophthalmic” and “Dispensing” and DOs were frequently asked what their job entailed. My answers were always ready; a Dispensing Optician is an expert in lens choice, frame selection, fitting and adjusting of specs, repairs, frame buying, practice management; changing light bulbs, etc…

Nowadays, my response is, quite simply, “Public relations” and I believe that to be one of our primary responsibilities. We are “front of house”, we are the ones who carry out the day-to-day tasks and functions that often define our Practice. The smile, the chat, the banter; opening the door for patients, occasionally giving an elderly patient a lift home; problem solving; and, of course, dispensing, fitting, adjustment…and most of our patients leave the practice with a smile on their face!

We can be as knowledgeable as we like, about lenses, frame styling, adjustment, all the technical stuff. But, often, the lasting impression that a patient will take away is how they were treated, how they were made to feel. For us, the working day is our routine; for many patients, especially if they are older, alone or vulnerable, a visit to the optician might be a “big thing” and it is our responsibility to live up to their expectations, both in terms of professional services and in personal relations; we might be the only person they interface with that week, after all. A friendly word can go a very long way sometimes…

So, talking of words, with my obvious love of my job as a Dispensing Optician, why turn to crime fiction?

Well, it`s a long story…(sorry!) I have always written poetry; for birthdays, weddings, I can turn a limerick at the drop of a Leprechaun`s hat… then, a few years ago, I had the idea for a book that was an unusual mix of West of Scotland detective and Science Fiction! This proved to be a very hard genre to sell, especially to publishers, so I self-published my first two novels (Archie Blue sky and Keeper of Souls) which were well received. Then, late in 2018, I was approached by Sparsile Books (my publisher) who had read “Archie” and wanted me to become their crime fiction writer. “Sins” was launched in Waterstones in October of last year and has already had some excellent feedback. I have just finished the second one (now working on the second edit) and I have the plot outline for the third.

It wasn`t a difficult transition, to be honest. Having owned my practice since 1986 I have typed a great deal of correspondence over the years and, with my theory about “public relations”, communication in general forms a large part of what I do on a daily basis. Indeed, I think that communication is very much the key to a successful practice, both listening and speaking. My staff just roll their eyes as I embark on yet another conversation with a patient about writing/families/railways/music/guitars… the list is endless and it can often be extremely interesting and rewarding when a patient opens up and tells you their own story – some of which may just have found their way into print (but don`t tell anyone! After all “This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are the result of the author`s imagination, etc, etc…)

Aye, write!

Will I give up the day job? Hmm…probably not just yet; anyway, where would I find all my characters…? However, at my book launch, I finished with this thought. I have been a musician since I was fifteen and always believed that, one day, I`d be a rock star; but maybe writing is the new Rock `n` Roll…

 And, just as a wee postscript…

I was writing this “disjointed jotting” whilst at work and I was chatting to a patient about long-closed Glasgow music venues (as you do – he worked in Glasgow`s legendary Apollo Theatre and has some great stories to tell). However, the conversation then went like this:-

`So, are you in for a sight test today?`

`No, I feel my right eye has been a bit funny since the operation. They took it out, scraped the back of it and, when they put it back in, I think it`s a wee bit bigger…`

You couldn`t write it…I rest my case!